Ramadan 1441 and The Lock Down

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picture from my instagram

This year Ramadan was totally different. But indeed, this is one of the best. Despite of every sad things that people said about how this pandemic made this Ramadan looked in despair, I love this Ramadan.

It’s our eleventh year our abroad living and it means our Ramadan has been in different countries and traditions. And for eleven years, we through the longest day and the hottest day.

When we move to this (new) country almost two years ago, I was more anxious to face the Ramadan. The country will be very different and B will very excited to have his fasting experience. The fact that the previous country gave a very comfortable environment and spoiled us much to have much privilege as Moslem, this country will be very different. The school circumstance will very different for B. It will not much different for Mr.A, he has done well through 22 hours fasting, but I wasn’t sure about B. So last year, we gave him permission to fast in Saudi’s schedule. It was shorter and easy to follow and we noticed the school about his condition and also gave him choice if he wasn’t feel good, he can get water or snack that I always provided. Fortunately, the school was very supportive. We are lucky enough knowing the headmistress also a Moslem. She knew well about Ramadan and fasting and B also have an opportunity to explain about Ramadan to his friends.

But this year, despite of everything, the pandemic and the lock down, I think Allah answered my pray and erased my worrisome. The school closed five days before the Ramadan started followed by Mr.A office. It means B and Mr.A will be at home 24 hours. It was a different joy for me.

My life since moving to this new place was quite alone. I cannot find any work outside yet and it means almost a whole day I spent my day at home. I only went to the city either for meeting friend, this happened once in a blue moon or I need to do groceries. So it looked like I was living in quarantine. Not because I don’t like go outside, I just more comfortable stay at home. Then when the lock down came, I was so grateful. I can see my boys more.

Then the Ramadan came. This lock down and stay at home condition helped me much to make fasting for B easier. B was excited the most. I think he was waiting to do this fully day fasting with local time even though it means he needs to do fasting 16-18 hours. So when Ramadan began, three of us enjoy every moment of it. The suhoor, the five times prayer together ; these were precious things in normal life, the Quran reading, the new surah that we memorized together, the breakfasting although not always festive but B was always savor it with smile and he enjoyed the Taraweeh prayer the most. Regardless the changed of our biological time; this changed also one of my concern if there was no lock down, we enjoyed our new schedule along the Ramadan.

Despite of everything, Allah gave one of the best Ramadan in my life. It was spent well with my loves once, much of good memories happened along this uncertain condition. I will treasure this feeling for my whole life. The time I can teach B more and more about Islam and talked about Islam and Moslem in very good conversation. And I think this year fasting experience is a very good experience for B. He knew the real Ramadan time and how to manage his time and body. It might be different next year but I believe he will do better. Subhanallah.

May Allah grants us with the opportunity to see many more Ramadan, in a very best condition, in Allah protection.

O Allah: (please) do not decide my observance of fasting in this month of Ramadan to be the last of my (life) observance of fasting.

We Move

This draft has been stayed for almost a year. A note that I cannot finish due to my heavy heart. A year left and we passed through : fight, tears, unstable feeling, spring, ocean, summer, beautiful autumn, and another winter, I think all the changes along the changed season has softened my heart. Move to new place was never easy decision, a new place is never easy to enjoy. Every step is surviving and adaptation mode. We started to enjoy every soaked after the heavy rain. The grey sky and the blue sky, both with a cup of tea, coffee or hot chocolate in hand. And realize moving on is never been easy task, I once wrote about this too, and always relate to these articles * *.

So, it was already 3 months. We move back to north. To a place where it has very different terrain. It was big different. We are good. But honestly, half of our feeling is still belong there, they are still in AD.

This wasn’t our first time left and move, but the feeling of lost, cannot moving on, holding to old memories is linger , even though I trained and said to myself to say IT IS OKAY!

Once, I wrote this. I think , that time I tried hard to comfort myself after our big move from CPH. But when I read it now, it still has the same effect.

It’s linger longer than what we, the three of us, thought. It’s harder for mr.A after all. B tried hard to move on but I’m sure he cannot forget any detail of his beautiful moment in his life in AD.

The fact that I cannot regret my decision to agree to move here, pushed me to enjoy this new place. I still don’t believe that we went away from (very) good life in AD despite of the real fact that there is no possibility to be stay forever there.

Definitely feel unsure with the changed, but I feel part of myself started to enjoy the changed. So, now, we move to new place. Still a long journey to make another decision. I already decided to turn down one of my plan, I don’t think it will work anytime soon. The journey will longer and we choose to make it step by step. It can be either baby step or big step.

We will always remember and never can say goodbye to 1650 days of beautiful memories living in AD. We might still talking how good life there. We might still smile for the antics of living in desert country. We might still holding our happy days with our dear best friends; the camping, the karaoke nights, the road trip, the every weekend out for coffee or unplanned meeting in the mall.

B might still have his vivid memory of his glory in the last moment in the school. I hope it can be his favor for his new endeavor in this new life and the future life.

I know this never be easy. It will be a long adaptation.

Please, me..
Stay strong. Stay sane.

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See you, Abu Dhabi.


This is our perfect size


“Will you have another kid?”

“Are you gonna give B sibling?”

“Do you plan for the second?”

“Don’t be selfish parent? With only one it will easy rite?”

“Do you think B will be okay if he is alone later on? Now he has you, but later, he will be alone by himself? Are you okay with that?”

I thought I will be very well prepared when these questions come up. I usually tamed easily the question and changed into a joke, or I will answer the question wisely. Later option is only happen if I have more energy to put my words well.

But, I still find the question about do we want or need to add our family member is bothersome and come to dread. Especially when it came from the family member and friends.

Not only us, to find these kind of questions are sometime thoughtless. In the article , The question we came to dread: ‘Are you going for a second child?’ , the writer  gave the an easy explanation to make people understand why  question about having another kid or adding family member are enough for some family.

It should be very personal reason, so finding an answer never been easy. But I gladly  Jennifer Bringle, in  Why I’m Having Only One Kid, wrote what slightly we want to say along these years.

We watched our little boy grew up very well. He flourishes as a kid greatly.  The fact that we are moving a lot for the last 9 years, we witness how beautiful he becomes. We believe how being the only kid in this family built his confidence and we can be an empowering source of comfort and knowledge for him.

At last, we don’t have any plan to have another kid, for now. Not in five years. So this is our best answer,

We have decided, now, that our family is the right size, thanks.


We, Us , 10 Years

Mungkin aku pernah juga merasakan cinta
Tapi tak pernah seindah ini

Mungkin aku juga pernah merasakan rindu
Tapi tak pernah sedalam ini

Mungkin kamu takkan pernah percaya
Bahwa sesungguhnya
Aku telah terjatuh

Ku akui aku telah larut
Larut ke dalam kamu
Yang ku cintai

– Larut , Dewa 19 –

Here we are. The fourth city , tenth year of our marriage. We’ve packed and unpacked our memories also our several things, in and outside the box. I cannot more grateful for live that we’ve been through. Best and best. High and low.

We agree to disagree, agree to agree, or disagree to disagree. I am more than happy to accompany you in another journey, always be with you, listen to your unique joke or you repeating unfunny meme. I do love you. Now and to jannah.

Thank you for here with me. I love you.

#MusicMonday Epik High – Lost One

After 2 years, Epik High is back. Today, their new album was out, Sleepless in ______. Bring all the fantastic music and lyric along the 7 tracks. Congratulation Tablo!

But, actually I was stucked to their previous album, We’ve Done Something Wonderful. I was fallen in love in almost their songs. I love Lost One. Not only this song is the OST for movie called Forgotten, which Kang Ha Neul acted brilliantly and the movie is twisted amazingly, but this song is also expressed my feeling.

This path may dazzle your eyes
But don’t be fooled by the diamonds and gold
Don’t get drunk on applause
Sometimes they will use compliments as shackles
Even when they roll out the red carpet for you, don’t forget
That it has turned red from soaking up your blood and sweat

I pray that your dream is a reachable one
I pray that your dream only shows you things you can touch
Because success takes as much as it gives
I pray that your dream doesn’t give you something too precious

– Epik High ft.김종완 of NELL| Lost One

And I love The Benefits of Heartbreak and Home is Far Away. These songs spoke my cloudy mind – my insecurity, but in the same time they comforted me with the melody and the soft voice from Lee Suhyun and Oh Hyuk. I think I found my comfort music in Epik High everytime I need to calm myself.